euu typedd*:
blog
(Monday, May 31, 2004-)
+4:04 PM]*
# Listening to: Sakura Wars - Sakura-
wow what an eventful camp...and yet again, conflicts exist...nevertheless, I've had good and bad times in the camp...
Special thanks to the AGLs Alison, Melissa, Ziying, Leroy, Ryan, Mei Hua, Phylicia, Ah Tiong, Timothy, Michael and Atmas for their help even though they have graduated. Also, thanks to Mahathir for his help in the planning stages of the camp. Also, thanks to Terry for his dedication to come even though he's sick for a week already. Thanks also to Philip, Dennis, Donovan, Ah Boon, Wen Zhao, Jeslyn, Gary, Peijun, Wei Liang, Alan, Wan Hua, Jeck Sees, Freddie and Adrian for their help. Special thanks goes out to Adrian for going back and forth to carry the meals from his place. Thanks to everyone who have helped out this camp.
Had an eventful camp, with both good and bad incidents along the way. First of all, an apology goes out to the SGLs for raising my voice and putting my words in a harsh tone. But that is the only thing that I apologize for. I still believe that initiative should be taken and respect for AGLs should be more evident. Well, I've said what I wanted to say last night. Both sides are at wrong, definitely. No excuses for either side.
I've become extremely concerned about FOC. Will the SGLs be able to handle? Not that I doubt their capabilities, but their attitude is somehow disturbing. Whatever it is, I can only do this much for now. I can't guarantee I won't get knocked down by a car tomorrow or something. What happens when the seniors are gone? What cushion do they fall back on? I enjoy camps not just for the fun, but for the responsibility as well. Apparently, not all come for the same reason. Of course, I can't force them to see things the way I see it, but clearly, something is lacking from them. Things have changed, and can't go back to the way it used to be. No matter how people conceal it, it clearly is evident, even to the eyes of others.
I'm too emotional to handle such stuff, because I'm a person that acts by my feelings, then logic. And upon thinking, I shouldn't even cry yesterday. Emotion has clouded my thinking and upon thinking, I even wondered why did I cry. Was it because of the fear that FOC will fall? Or was it due to the pressure I've had? Or was it from the fact that people are indifferent towards the camp? What was it exactly, I don't know. But sadness is clearly in my heart. I have no regrets for what I did, only apology for those whom I raised my voice. If I were to raise my voice and be upset, it's for a reason.
Lovely, ain't it? Politics after politics. This became evident after each generation. One thing the AGLs all agreed: Each generation is deteriorating. Of course, we still have this generation to prove us wrong, I hope.
Reached home at around 11 last night. Talked with Dennis and Terry regarding the camp and stuff like that and received reassuring words from them. Dennis kept asking if I'm coming for the FOC, cos from my words earlier, I apparently wasn't going to. I promised him I will, if the others are willing to co-operate as well. Politics...bah. If it's mixed in with personal feelings, then things are gonna get tricky.
Slept at 1 plus, and was supposed to meet up with Terry this morning to handle some of the admin stuff. I overslept as usual, and Terry had to return the igloo himself. Sorry! This camp has been exceptionally taxing for me, I must say. It seems I can't do everything myself, afterall. Heh.
Had a lot of fun watching the GLs play pipe cascade. Kept giving hints after hints after hints until I had to actually tell them what to do. I do hope this will not become a habit that's discovered too late.
the story ends like this;
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(Tuesday, May 25, 2004-)
+12:53 AM]*
# Listening to: Card Captor Sakura - Catch you catch me-
I. am. tired. of. being. impartial. and. trying. to please. everyone. as. much. as. possible.
"With great power comes great responsibility." - Spiderman
How very true. It's depressing when all along you're trying to be as impartial as possible, remaining neutral to all forms of biasness and prejudism. Politics, favouritism, stuff like that. Oh Lord, how I wish I could try all these away and strip myself of all powers and responsibility as President, but I can't.
It's not that I cannot take the work pressure. It's not the work, more like the personal pressure I have from friends, peers, juniors and my loved ones. I must say, it's hard in my position to please everyone of them. If I can please the year 2s, i can't please the year 3s. If I can please the years 3s, I cannot please the year 2s. If I can please myself, I cannot please everyone. If I can please everyone, I still cannot please someone.
For e.g: I don't mind planning for the Trial Camp, but others mind planning the Trial Camp. Some express their concern regarding why the year 2s are not planning. Fine, so I get the year 2s. So from the year 2s, I get flamed for not updating them accordingly, which is weird cos I'm not the organizer in the first place. The sense of being wronged sucks. Terry personally thanked me after the meeting, which set my heart at ease, cos at least there is someone that is grateful for my doings. Dennis msged me after the meeting, which sets my mind at greater ease. The meeting did wake them up in a way or two.
Now, to the grouping. I get comments all over the place, and one that I never expected from as well. We quarelled. As I write this, I. am. still. pissed.
Now, I'm not ranting because everything's been pushed to me. Those who know me long enough would know as long as you ask, I'll do whatever I can to help. I have no regrets in taking over the planning and the execution of the camp. But at the very least, please, don't undermine it. I've been actively working in the society even in year 1 and no, I don't do it for CCA points. I did it not because I have to, but I want to. I wonder how many people can put in the same dedication into something they don't benefit from in real life. This is what it's all about: the sense of satisfaction. But at a price, of course: my grades. My grades have dropped significantly. If only I put the same dedication into my studies then it would be great, isn't it? Yeah, perhaps. But I've learned and matured a lot from these. That's what I believe.
I don't blame anyone for what they said, for they have truth in their words. I'm just expressing my truth.
Wow, this post has drifted from the intended focus I had in mind earlier. Nevertheless, it's just my bitching. If you're offended by my post, then my deepest apologies. This post isn't meant to be directed at anyone. It's just what I feel and have felt for the past week. This week has been especially tiring for me and I thank God that Mahathir went through it with me. Thanks, abang.
Now that I have finished ranting about my working matters, now onto personal matters. That's the main reason for my explosion, actually. The straw that broke the camel's back, you could say.
It's funny and weird how it started. We were just chatting as per normal and then somehow we drifted to official matters. Things got ugly there. We talked in a more serious tone and yes, i got pissed. I kept silent and hung up in order to go to the toilet, which was a life-saving nature's call, I must say. How ironic.
I. am. pissed. Not because of your unreasonable demands or whatsoever, but rather the thinking that I hold absolute authority. I have the authority, but it's not absolute. I have to keep it under control. Why am i so neutral and impartial? It's because I don't want anyone to talk bad about you, that I used my authority to your favour. You talked about fairness, that I should have informed you about last Wednesday's importance. It was a hidden agenda. If I were to tell you, then why on earth would it be fair to others. It's a hidden agenda. Did you actually think I enjoy being impartial to you? No, I don't enjoy it. But I must. You're tired, so am I. What can I do? I have to show a decent amount of integrity at least. It's my nature, my personality.
It's tiring being a leader, for a leader leads by example. You walk the talk, and practise what you preach. When I attempt to educate others in being neutral, I have to be neutral. A leader places official matters before personal matters. That, is leadership. If not, I can just get anyone to replace my committee.
Sweetie, I love you, but some things have to be differentiated clearly in regards with serious official matters. I still don't think I'm in the wrong. I never did. *sigh*
the story ends like this;
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(Thursday, May 20, 2004-)
+9:22 PM]*
# Listening to: Nothing-
Now, give me one good reason not to hate Dr. Koh Yong Cheong.
Why did I ask that? Some of you might have known. Hallelujah, I failed my final year project. After all the report writing and presentation, he refuses to let us pass. Such a wonderful supervisor, isn't he? Thank you God, for the trial and tribulation you have set for me.
...How I wish I can really thank God, but I can't. Neil and I are trying to appeal tomorrow.
Next person who tells me KYC is a kind lecturer will get hell of a scolding and ranting from me. A kind lecturer will attempt to bring you up and salvage your project. Did he? Nuh-uh.
Madness, I would say. Madness. I wonder if appealing will help? Petition? Hard to remain optimistic, but I must. Some people will probably think, "Ha! I saw that coming.", point a finger and laugh at me. Yah, lesson learnt. Come gloat on my sufferings. I'm waiting.
the story ends like this;
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